Only a few pages of the diaries ever turned up. They were found, along with one of the notebook covers, miles down the river scattered along a bank. All the pages were blank, the ink washed away by the Mississippi's muddy water.        It's a shame, I guess. It would have made a hell of a story. The only record of the diaries' contents were the notes I had scribbled that night at my house.        As for Jasper? He recovered from his gunshot wounds, stood trial, and was convicted of a variety of charges, including attempted murder, firing a weapon on a bridge, littering, and impersonating a German. He's currently serving time in San Quentin, where he's copy editor for the prison newspaper, the San Quentin Post Dispatch. The Globe, ironically, was purchased by a conglomerate--United Amalgamated Industries, Inc.        Anyway, things worked out pretty well for me. I was promoted to assistant editor on the strength of my follow-up story on Earl Buskin, which won an Iddy Award from the American Psychiatric Association and was purchased by ABC to be made into a mini-series.        Ginger and I got back together and were married six months later. It was a small but nice wedding and served as sort of a reunion for some of the people involved in the Elvis Diaries affair. Virgil was there. So was Danko. (Danko made a delicious Linzertorte for the occasion; I now feel kind of bad for having made him pass it through a metal detector.) Trixie was Ginger's maid of honor, and Earl Buskin was my best man. Lanny provided music for the reception which was catered by Ethel Merkin. (Luckily, she didn't have to take individual orders this time, but placing that initial order was an ordeal.)        It was great to see everyone together like that. They've since gone their separate ways. Here's what happened to some of them:        Bruno Kartofel-- Poor Bruno is still in the same position he was in the night I kicked him. He stayed in my yard about a week, refusing to budge. I would offer him food and water, but he would only accept hot tea and gingersnaps. Finally, I called one of his henchmen who came and loaded him onto a U-Haul. I feel certain that one day, Bruno will again walk erect, although I'm not exactly sure how erect.        Rev. Billy Sol Dickerson--Billy Sol's church was rocked by scandal after it was revealed that he had been intimate with a girl who was a few months shy of legal age. Dickerson argued that, since he used the missionary position, he was working in a professional capacity. However, the incident caused donations to dwindle, so the church had to file for Chapter 11, Verse 3. Soon afterward, Dickerson split up with his wife Nadine, who moved to Nevada and started the first Christian bordello, Our Lady of the Evening.        Hamilton Hodges--Hodges went on to work for the Washington Post, where he won a number of awards including a Pulitzer Prize for a series he wrote which established a definite link between the rise in the illiteracy rate and the increase in the number of people who can't read.        Johnny Bombasio--The last I heard, Johnny had rented a copy of Gone With The Wind, so--let me check the calendar--yeah, he should be hitting Scarlett's famous "turnip" speech any day now.        Charles Foster Wilcox II--Jasper's dad came unhinged after his son's arrest. Plagued by guilt, he withdrew from the world entirely, never leaving his massive estate. Questions about his sanity arose after reports that he had let his hair and fingernails grow out and had watched the movie Ice Station Zebra all the way through.        Earl Buskin--Spurred on by Earl #9--his newfound dynamic personality--Earl formed Buskin Technologies and made millions with such inventions as the cable tv dinner (six entrees, fourteen vegetables, three corn sticks, and a cobbler square). His line of jams and jellies rocketed to success with the catchy ad slogan: "With a name like Buskin, it's probably made by a guy named Buskin." Unfortunately, Earl's corporation was the target of a hostile takeover by his other eight personalities, who bought controlling interest and forced him out of the company.